• About Quota

    Bookmark and Share

    My daily writing--emails, journal entries, marginalia, more emails, blog posts, and tweets--shapes me as a writer, helping and hindering the big stuff I'm trying to accomplish. Every word counts.

    My name is James Black. I'm on Facebook and Twitter. Friend and/or follow me if you like.

  • Recent Tweets

  • Categories

  • Add to Technorati Favorites
  • Recent Comments

    Elisse on The First Year of Grief Is as…
    The First Year of Gr… on Postmortem
    The First Year of Gr… on A Eulogy for My Father
    The First Year of Gr… on Keep on Truckin’
  • wordpress stats plugin

We Decline with Regret, or Why My Partner and I Won’t Go to Weddings Anymore

In an open letter posted on his Facebook wall, my partner, Doug, informed our heterosexual friends that we will no longer attend weddings or send wedding gifts. He says many things, but unless you’re his friend on Facebook, you’ll have to settle for this key quote:

We have many lovely, caring friends. If you truly value us and agree we should have the same rights as you, please don’t let the excitement of planning your wedding overshadow the reality that we are without the more than 1,138 federal rights that accompany civil marriage, with some additional 300 to 600 per individual state.

Actually, the idea to essentially boycott our friends’ weddings came from me a few months ago. He originally hesitated, and I understood why, because I was not comfortable with the idea either. We’ve been talking it over for a while.

An engaged couple we know visited us recently, and we talked to them about our idea. They said they understood and wouldn’t feel offended if we decided not to attend, even though they would miss us being there. Their support didn’t surprise us, and we quickly retreated. Would not attending their wedding really send a message? The people we worried about offending would understand, but the people who don’t care about or are against marriage equality probably wouldn’t even miss our presence.

It’s ironic that Doug and I can’t get married considering we met while performing in an improv show about a wedding and reception. For 100+ performances, vows were taken, toasts were given, the bouquet was thrown, and we were there for all of it, making sure everything ran smoothly and that the “guests” had a good time.

Our show dramatized what is arguably the most widely produced cultural experience in Western culture. The guests/audience knew what to expect, and we quickly figured out how to fulfill their expectations. The show was not about me or Doug or most of the rest of the performers. Our job was to direct attention back to the bride and groom, who went their separate ways during the reception–ritually, and because they bickered. Would their beginning become their end? Of course not. Continue reading

The Great Chain of Being in Contact

My friend Jane posted this on my Facebook wall: “Had a lovely imaginary conversation with you yesterday, which made me think it’s time for a real one.” Which brought to mind categories of conversations.

Face-to-Face: Or F2F. This kind of conversation happens in real time. You get to experience the facial expressions and gestures of the person you’re talking to and receive and give immediate feedback.

Presentational: Somewhat F2F, but one speaker addresses many audience members. If there’s time for questions, which in a very limited way resembles conversation, some jackass usually eats up the time by spouting nonsense in an attempt to outshine the speaker. Continue reading

%d bloggers like this: